Welcome to the gates of literary hell

I recently read an issue of a local magazine called Stuff at Night.  This is an important periodical for me to read because I hardly ever go out at night and its important for me to know what actually occurs at nighttime around here.  Its similar to Mario reading any newspaper or magazine thats not about Johnston so he can know that there are other towns and cities out there.  I'm on a tangent.  The reason I bring up this magazine is because there was an article about why women love Boston guys.  They had an article that was a collection of emails from women, listing the specific things they liked and/or loved about Boston guys.  8 of the 12 emails mentioned the red sox.  Reason number one why I hate Boston guys, they can't have a conversation without talking about or mentioning the red sox.  Me: "Hey man whats up?"  Boston D-Bag: "How about Papelbon tonight?"  Me: "Yeah how about him.  Hows the night been for you so far?"  Boston D-Bag: "Not as good as when the sox beat the yankees in the ALCS in 2004".  Me: "Hang on one second, I'm going to kill myself".  The emails mentioned the fact that they loved the way Boston guys wear their sox hats slightly crooked.  Fix your goddamn hat. I've seen people wearing a hat that is close to levitating on top of the head.  Pull it down onto your head.  If its that far up its more like a cloth sports halo.  Another email mentioned that they found it cute that the girl is a close second to the red sox in the guys heart.  Are you kidding me?  Way to seek out a relationship where you don't come first.  Ask Joe how fun that is.  Or any of my exes.  The kicker was the email that said a boston accent on a guy sounds "sooooo hot!".  Anybody, guy or girl, sounds like a retarded chimp with the boston accent.  Dropping R's like its something to do.  I wish the R was tangible because I'd pick them up, put them in a sack and hit people in the face with it.  Fucking Boston.  Worst place on earth.