Taci, maladetto lupo! consuma dentro te con la tua rabbia.

It's a question you've been asked many a time before.  Are you a cat person or a dog person?  Speaking honestly, I can't see why anyone in their right mind would say they were a cat person.  Cats are filthy creatures which is funny because all cat owners claim how much cleaner their little Fluffy is than any dog.  I say hogwash!  Yes cats clean themselves but they do it with their own saliva.  If I used my saliva to keep clean I would smell a thousand times worse than I do already.  Well, maybe it would be about the same.  Back to cats...so they lick themselves clean, they step in their own feces and urine all the time in their litter boxes and then they walk all over kitchen surfaces with their piss-shit paws, they fill the air with all sorts of fur and dander,  they puke randomly and don't get me started on fur balls.  Cats are the Oscar the Grouch of pets.  I guess I could have gone with Pig-Pen on that one too.  Ok so then cats are a combo of Oscar the Grouch and Pig-Pen.

Job hunting has been a daily task for me for over 3 months now.  I managed to find a job at a liquor store in early December but it's only two days a week.  I'm spending 200 dollars more in bills than I'm making each month.  So I've been job hunting like a maniac to help get some more income.  Put plainly, job hunting blows.  It's a soul sucking experience and I hate it.  99.9% of the jobs I've come across in my search are either jobs that I'm incredibly unqualified for (see: surgeon,lawyer or coding) or I'm supremely overqualified for (see: data entry, janitor or the guy who wears the costume and holds a sign from a nearby store and waves at traffic all day).  I would love to work as a radio/podcast personality.  I think with my quick wit (Warning: Self Horn Honking in Progress!) and sense of humor I could riff with a co-host on any number of topics and have it be informative and amusing.  I guess it's not that difficult to do your own podcast.  Hmmm. 

I was at work yesterday and a customer came in with her husband and their infant.  Not very noteworthy right?  Wrong!  You would have thought they brought in a baby unicorn swaddled in a blanket made of gold fiber and clouds.  Most of the employees stopped what they were doing and cooed about the kid.  The baby was asleep (thank goodness, nothing worse than a screaming child) and everyone was talking in hushed tones about the kid.  Have you never seen a baby before?  They're either crying, eating or sleeping.  No big deal.  10 baby obsessed minutes later, the kid opens his/her eyes and everyone literally ran back over to the stroller to see the baby!  I'm confused.  Who gives a shit?  It's just a baby.  Let's all put this in the proper perspective.  I'm happy for people who have kids but childless people shouldn't lose their shit at the first sighting of a child.  That just encourages new parents to stop and show you pictures of the kid's first spit bubble or when he got fecal matter in his hair.  Personally I don't care.  Keep it moving and show all the women who are childless.  Just follow the loud ticking of their biological clock and you'll find them.

I was at the supermarket the other day and ready to check out.  I try to use the self check out as often as I can because it's just a lot easier than dealing with some teenage cashier (old man rant!).  Now the day I was at the supermarket was a bit busy.  The self checkout lines looked a little long to me but as I had just been boxed out of the 12 items or less lane by a woman who clearly had a counting issues (rough estimate of items in her cart? 25 to 30 easily.  What a cunt.) I had to make use of my old standby.  I got into line behind two other gentlemen who didn't have much in their baskets.  I was feeling confident about my lane choice until I saw the guy who was in the process of ringing through his groceries.  Or rather, trying against all odds to ring his groceries.  This guy didn't quite grasp the concept of passing the UPC past the scanner.  He was trying it one way and then another.  I would have felt bad but he only had 6 cans of stewed tomatoes.  They were all the same brand so it's safe to assume the UPC was in the same location on each can and yet this man struggled with such a simple task.  Is it socially unacceptable to lean forward and ask him if he's currently having a stroke?  It works on two levels because if he isn't having a stroke then it lights the fire under his ass to hurry the fuck up.  If he is having a stroke then I just helped save a man's life.  Wouldn't be the first time.  Actually it would.

Currently I'm living with my friend and her fiancee.  It's not a bad living situation.  I have a roof over my head, occasional heat and a comfortable bed.  Unfortunately my apartment is also full of cats (and that awful smell they produce), has drafty windows (the other day it was warmer outside than in the apt) and two constantly bickering females.  I've been casually looking for another place to live recently and what I've found is pretty disappointing bordering on depressing.  I live in Arlington Massachusetts which is near Boston.  To rent a bedroom within an apartment (not the whole apartment mind you) you are looking at shelling out anywhere between $450 and $900!  Just for a bedroom!  That is an absolute disgrace.  People say home is where you hang your heart but I think home is really wherever you can afford the high rent.  This mini-rant about housing is really just a segueway into my commune idea.  Land out west is relatively inexpensive.  If you can buy 100 acres of undeveloped land for around $200,000 and you get 50 people to buy it with you, then each person is only spending $4,000 for roughly 2 acres of land.  You can't get a better deal than that.  You can live as a community if you want (communal garden, helping each other build homes, raise families etc) or you can just fence off your 2 acres and live in peace.  Something to think about.   

The reason men fear vibrators, at least initially, is because they realize they could easily be replaced by something that can maintain a constant speed (however fast that speed is differs from user to user of course) for as long as the batteries can last.  That's daunting to many men who intimidate easily.  Personally, I used to view vibrators as competitors.  I'm assuming this type of struggle will be played out in a grander fashion once robotic athletes become more and more prominent.  I slowly came to accept vibrators as allies in the battle to satisfy hard to satisfy women.  I hadn't yet realized that my perspective was too narrow.  The issue wasn't who, or rather what, I allied myself with but rather the relative difficulty of these women to reach the highest of heights.  It wasn't the availability and stamina of the vibrator (well not completely), it was the speed!  How could I have been so foolish?  Women who rely on mechanized pleasure-givers make it difficult on men.  How can we compete with motors that can produce upwards of 6000 rpms?  It's man vs. machine and men are losing.  So ladies please take all this into consideration before you reach for your battery powered lover and consider that while he can thrive in such conditions, your beer powered lover can't.